I couldn’t help myself again..
What would be John’s response? Help me out Fandom! ;)
(Why do you want to distract me from things I should be doing?)
“Look, John,” Sherlock called from the next room. “I’ve got a dildo.”
John, mid-drink, spat his morning coffee all over his breakfast. “Excuse me?”
Sherlock peeked around the corner, large, pink dildo in hand. “Yes, John, a dildo. Don’t be so childish.”
“What, uhm…” John squeaked, his voice caught in his throat. His collar suddenly felt unimaginably tight, like it was squeezing the air from his trachea. He cleared his throat and found his normal voice. “What do you intend to do with it?”
“It’s obvious, isn’t it?”
John’s eyes darted back and forth nervously, his brain frantically trying to find an obvious answer that didn’t involve the only idea his mind was naturally forming. “No, Sherlock. Once again, it’s not obvious, not to anyone but you.”
“My god. What I wouldn’t give for just a single day in your simple little head. It would be like a vacation… a stupid vacation, but a vacation nonetheless.”
John glared. “Oh, look… Now I have a few ideas about what to do with it.”
“Come on. Why would I possibly be holding a dildo?” Sherlock waited impatiently. “This is a good thinking exercise for you, John.”
“I don’t know. Home security?”
“Home security?” Sherlock’s face was contorted with confusion, a feeling to which he was unaccustomed.
“Yeah.” John choked back a pre-emptory laugh. “Next time Mycroft shows up unannounced, I thought we could throw it and watch him fetch.”
Sherlock giggled like a school boy, his hand falling limp and allowing the tip of the massive, magenta phallus to rest against his forehead. “Could you imagine it? Now I think it’s our obligation to see that idea through.”
“I can almost see the un-amused look on his face now.” John chuckled.
“Seriously though.” Sherlock pulled himself together and stared at John, stared through him, once again with his steely translucent eyes. “What else?”
John felt the humor drain from his body, every muscle in his body tensing under his flatmates cool gaze. “I…” John slipped his left index finger into his shirt collar and tugged, hoping it would loosen it’s death grip. “I don’t know. I can’t help but imagine this being your version of a sexual proposition…”
“Don’t be ridiculous, John.” Sherlock rolled his eyes. “It won’t be about the sex. It’s an experiment. It’ll be about the science. Come to my room, and we’ll begin.”
John’s eyes widened, his mind racing as he shifted nervously in his seat. “The science? Is it for a case? I mean, is it important?”
Sherlock smirked. “I lied. It is about the sex.”
“Pardon? You’re joking, right?”
“I don’t joke about sex, John.”
“But, you said…”
“I told you it was for science to see how you would react. Your lack of immediate refusal tells me that you’re not completely opposed to the idea. The fact that you asked if it was important tells me that you’re just looking for a way to rationalize what you’ve already prepared yourself to do. Not just what, but with whom… with me. The dilated pupils told me most of that already though. Your face and neck flushed at the idea, but not out of embarrassment. No, you aren’t embarrassed. You want me to think you are though, which obviously doesn’t work with me. You shifted in your seat, probably as a failed attempt to obscure your erection. Nice try, but I’m a bit too clever for that.” Sherlock finally stopped and took a breath. “So, shall we?”
John sat stunned into silence. He felt completely exposed, stripped naked by the deduction. More than that, he was absolutely ashamed of himself for being so turned on by it. “I… that’s not… it’s…” he stammered.
“It is, and we both know it. Now, stop wasting time and follow me.”
John rose to his feet, knowing there were two things in the world which should never be argued: Sherlock and the truth. It wasn’t a losing battle he wanted to fight. Halfway to the bedroom, he stopped. “Wait. Why did you have the dildo this morning in the first place?”
Sherlock let out a heavy sigh and turned to face John. “This, obviously.”
“This? This what?”
“You said yourself that this seemed like my version of a sexual proposition. It seems I’m not the only one who knows my flatmate all too well.”
“So, this was all to get me into bed?”
“You could have just asked.”
“You’d have said no,” Sherlock replied coolly.
“Yeah, I’d have said no,” John agreed. “This… this was brilliant. You’re brilliant.”
Sherlock wiggled the rubbery toy and gave John a quick slap on the arse. “If you thought that was brilliant, just wait.”
John scurried into the bedroom and Sherlock’s smile, a smile which would have put the Cheshire cat’s to shame, told the rest of the story as he closed the door behind them.